Hey buddy, are you alright?
Yeah, I'm… I mean, I've been better. Any reason you're asking?
Well, don't judge me for noticing. And I don't mean to judge, at all. So if it comes across like that, know I don't mean it that way.
Okay.
Anyway, you haven't been liking ****** ******'s pictures on Instagram lately
It's Senate
What?
It's pronounced like, uh, Roman Senate.
Okay, damn, I didn't know that. And see, that's the sort of thing that you would know. Which is why I guess, I got worried.
I'm fine.
It's just, you had liked every picture on her Instagram that she posted depicting herself between June 2017 and two weeks ago, some on both of your accounts. Did you lose your phone or something?
Eh, I just don't see it anymore. I'm not really into comedy like that, or indie movies.
I didn't say that you were into comedy or indie movies. I would say that are into moderately-successful NYU graduates with nice breasts who are on the precipice of some sort of mini-Chloe Sevigny thing.
There have been a few of those, huh? Anyway, it's like, camera tricks. I don't think her breasts are that nice. And her face is-
Okay, well, as long as you have your reasons, we don't have to tread that ground. It’s sexist and, well, unproductive-
There's just something adolescent and, maybe pubic about them. And hey, I've been around the block, I've heard Red Scare. But you don't want to literally fuck a teenager. I mean, that's fucked. They smell awful. They don't pay taxes. They don't know what anything is. Breasts like that just remind me of gym class pit stench. And not in a hot way, whatsoever. I fuck adults, I'll have you know.
Okay man.
And I'm sure she's cool in real life. I'm sure I could fall in love with her!
Oh yeah? Nice man.
I met a guy who used to date her at some bar once. But that is a completely different conversation. You could start it like 500 years ago. 3000 years ago. Like the guy in the village looking at a beautiful wood statue of a wide-hipped woman. And he's got… he doesn't know the subject depicted. But he's met girls like her before. He's dated girls like that.
He's dated girls? In the ancient village?
Yeah, sure.
Well, I used to date a standup.
Oh, really?
Well, she was an alt-comic.